It's been 15 hours now since the first one.
I went for an amazing ride today, felt fantastic.
Shorts in the rain, felt very alive.
I have noticed that my appetite is back, I am motivated, and have this lust for life.
Things are still very raw and real, the triggers that I have had are still there. The lows are nearly level, I still feel sadness. But I am thinking rationally, finally. I am still thinking creatively, which was what I was the most afraid of losing. I am excited for a new day, excited for a lie in finally, and I've started planning my days...
I'm not just passively drifting through my life anymore.
I have spirit, and feel like I have purpose...if that makes sense.
I was listening to my headphones long enough today that I forgot I had them on, and for a second I thought the music was in the air.
It was beautiful, I loved seeing part of a day come together like that. Things were all in sync and for a brief second I felt in tune with the world. Like I had my place in it, and that moment had meaning.
I am seeing beauty in life, and all the scattered random emotions have focus. They are controllable, and I am able to rationally deal with them.
I only hope that this medication doesn't turn on me,
because things are looking up.
I would like them to keep going that way...
I am starting to live again, and I miss you...
-ewan
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