Chapter Two

Moved up to 50mg today.

Things are really strange, this is not the wonder cure that I had hoped for. I am still working through feelings that I repressed from nearly 10 years ago. This is a very difficult time for me, conflicting emotions are popping up all the time. I can try and deal with them, but they are really getting me down. It's incredibly hard not to let them get on top of me, but I am trying as hard as I can to keep positive.

I am only a week into this, and I had hoped for more change. I can think fairly rationally now, but I'm tired all the time. If I drink coffee I have insomnia, If I don't I'm falling asleep, I have headaches most of the time.

A lot of things have changed, but my feelings stay the same. I miss having Beth in my life. Not in a romantic sense, just having here there. Just knowing that I could call her and she would answer, and be happy to speak to me. That meant more than anything else ever has. I hope that I can get my life in order, so that things might be normal again.

I don't feel like a failure anymore.
I just feel like I'm not really living in this city,
that I'm just existing here.

Going through the motions.
Looking for answers to a question that hasn't been asked.

I'm really confused right now.

but it's another day...

-Ewan